Forgive and Forget

  

When you're awake, the things you think

Come from the dreams you dream

Thought has wings, and lots of things

Are seldom what they seem

Sometimes you think you've lived before

All that you live today

Things you do come back to you

As though they knew the way 

 Robert Capon Farrar tells us that God does not forgive our transgressions because we have made ourselves forgivable. There is nothing we can do to earn forgiveness. We are forgiven solely because there is a Divine forgiver who loves us unconditionally. There is nothing we can do to earn it or lose his love. (Matthew18:15-35.) 

Love is at the core of Jesus’ teachings and forgiveness is why he died and was resurrected. Why is it then that we have such a hard time forgiving? Is it because it’s so closely tied to memory and the human inability to forget? These two human behaviors are really mutually exclusive, yet we blithely say as if it’s even possible, “let’s forgive and forget.” If you think about it, memory is a cognitive process that has the potential to engage our innermost feelings and resurrect either pleasure or hurt so as to make the past come alive as if it was brand new. We really, have no control over memory, although we do have the ability to process our remembrances. If we choose to understand their embedded origin hidden in the “shadows” of buried  memories, they can be transformative opportunities for personal and spiritual growth. Forgiveness on the other hand, is part of our inherited divine legacy that requires us to set aside the ego’s loyal soldier, empowered to keep our egos in charge and block forgiveness from surfacing from the depths of old unresolved hurts or guilt. Jesus did not tell us to forget about the past, he told us to see God in those who have hurt us and just let it go.  

We will be soon approaching another anniversary of September 11, 2001, an infamous day in our history, which especially for those of us living in the Northeast, carries with it even stronger hurts and remembrances of those loved ones who lost their lives. We will remember them but can we “forgive and forget?” I don’t think so. Perhaps if we dwell on the memory of those loved ones we lost on that fateful Tuesday, we can begin or at least continue the process of forgiving those who knocked down those buildings and snuffed out the lives of innocent people in  minutes, and changed the way in which we live forever. However, it’s easier said than done. 

While 9/11/01 was a pivotal time in our history, we are currently in the midst of another pivotal time that continues to reshape our lives on a daily basis and will likely do so forever. What has Covid 19 taught us so far? To ask while still immersed, how we have been changed and what seeds of transformation emanate from the plague, is impossible, because we are living the dynamic, fluid experience NOW… and will be for the foreseeable future. We can, however, ask how we can use the restrictions imposed by the virus and the loss of freedoms to better understand ourselves and loved ones, and we can ask how can we use the pandemic’s limitations and our many furloughed attachments temporarily on hold,  to forge a deeper understanding of our spirituality and relationship with God. To that end, I find the words of Anthony Padovano particularly comforting as we reflect on the importance of remembering:  

When we remember, we leave the present for the past. To say it better, we bring the past into the present and give it life alongside the tangible realities we are compelled to consider. In our memory of a loved one we choose to relate to him/her even though, since he is not present, we need not relate to him. Not physical presence but love leads us to live with this remembered person even in her absence.  (Anthony Padovano, Dawn without Darkness)